Wednesday gratitude

Today I am grateful for,

My lovely vintage typewriter, so many cool things I can do with this!

Fresh salad still in the polytunnel, to eat with our Bavarian meal tonight....(brought by our German students dad yesterday..)

 Art journalling, a new found pleasure and potential exploration into a healing tool to share with others.....

A good homeschool day, coming in the wake of one where I was ready to give up. Yoga, weaving, reading,  cooking, a pleasure....

Another painting getting there....

Celebrating Imbolc with Tansy and Leo, and watching their beautiful focus making Bridie dolls to honour the goddess Bridget and carry our germinating seeds of inspiration......

 Those minute shards of time when I can lift a paintbrush, place two words to sing on the page together, sit and take a solitary breath....they are precious  indeed.

And you?

What are you grateful for this week?

Gathering tools and baby steps

 I'm on the edge of a precipice, leaning out against the wind, which beats against my face with its torrent of breath. Even at the edge, still with my feet on the ground. I am nearly at the vortex, a spinning cyclone of images, phrases, ideas possibilities, openings, outlets; reaching at me, grabbing me.The wind's fervour excites me, inspires me, scares me rigid.
 Should I go should I jump, should I stay tiptoed at the edge or retreat to the balmy flower meadow and a rather dull picnic. Or even quite a good picnic, sugar free of course, with quinoa and sprouted seeds and raw chocolate delights with a helathy sprinkling of gogi berries?

That's the problem. I often stand at this edge...although never quite so near, and always end up returning to the picnic. Literally. An idea will come to me, one of those running for your notepad and grabbing the only writing implement available .(usually a pale yellow beeswax block crayon) type of ideas, and having noted it down...(as far as am able with yellow crayon in the margins of my bank statement); I might limply retire to the kitchen and bake some muffins, or fetch the laundry, and then the baby is awake and oops, oh well can't do it now. Hmm

The precipice is churning with colours, and possibilities, it is a tumult of unknown,  a shiver of fear, a dazzle of brightness. And yet I turn away.

But NO....I WILL NOT. And here, publicly, with you to hear me....

At the moment I am caring for five kids four of my own plus our German student, with their myriad needs demands and issues, from constant breast milk, to spelling to gym membership and lifts back from paintballing, more printer paper and a white gel pen NOW and my coloured pencils again, and patiently reflecting back the needs of a furious six year old and deflecting angry fists,while holding a baby, trying to cook and tidy up the tornado that is the kids room and......anyway you get the idea...did I mention the laundry?/.

But.... I'm also taking two online art courses (more about these in another post when I have dived into them more deeply) in the wake of the amazingly transformative Flora Bowley course Bloom True which I have talked about at length already here which has already started me to the edge of the precipice.
 By sheer fluke I have also just won a free place on a funky Instagram based pithy, quick fire writing course, which is exciting but also overwhelming as my phone has just given up doing Instagram and it starts on Monday. I'm also not sure how I can possibly squeeze even one more thing into my already overflowing day but I will try. Everyone can have dirty sheets and baked beans on toast for a month.

And then two days ago my signed copy of The Rainbow Way arrived, the fourth book of the inspiring Lucy Pearce. I plan to do a review of it when I have read it but in short it is about  the burning need some of us feel to create and mother simultaneously without causing harm to either. A treasure of a book which I am reading in tiny snatches and I am now part of an online forum of women.... (some places still left I believe open to those who purchase the book direct from Lucy) support and opportunities in bucketloads.

From this forum, one of my paintings has found a place in an inspiring new online magazine, to be found here at Raising Loveliness which is also really exciting.

In my nearest town my favourite cafe has a chalk board outside calling for artists to put their work on their walls. I need to finish two more paintings to have enough to approach them for my first ever public showing....

I have finally finished a written piece on loss and recovery for a friends website, which I will link to as soon as it goes live....



Are you getting a theme here....it's exciting; things are moving, shifting, progressing, tiny steps maybe, but in a life as full as overflowing as mine it feels big, it feels like the tip of the wave. The tip of a huge powerful swell which I can ride...if I dare. If I have the time...but will I ever have the time?

Have I the the ability to work in minute snatches and snitches of time, but without hating the person who interrupts me or curtails my flow? Because they will and they do.

 I currently write and paint at the kitchen table, as our bedroom is so icy its hard to do anything there apart from sleep surrounded by hot water bottles. There are seven of us in the house...everyone likes to hang out in the kitchen/sitting room which is very small. And I have a 6 month old baby....I have to keep remembering that.

So will  I sink or swim if I jump? I can only try....




 

I keep adjusting the blog, ...as you've probably noticed...but 

Wednesday gratitude

This week I am grateful for....

A little boy who is suddenly very firmly on his hands and knees..

Charcoal...forgotten how fun it is.....thanks Misty Mawn and Pauline Agnew

Incorporating my online art coursework with home ed mornings, so fun and beautiful to create together and have fun.

My weekly organic veg order, delivered to my door in boxes and bags, a cheap and convenient way to feed seven hungry people three (and more) times a day.  (I nearly missed the deadline this morning which is why I'm particularly grateful!1)

A path. My darling made this to replace the mud and carpet which have been excusing themselves as a path since we opened up a blocked door as our new entrance. We turned our old entrance into a bedroom for our German student.

Living in a dilapidated mansion where there are such things as blocked up doors and tudor dining halls and a myriad of old staircases, corridors, cellars and crumbling wonders.

The sun

My son's passion for photography which is his guiding light right now

Wednesday Gratitude

I think the universe is challenging this new gratitude space of mine. My first Wednesday...and one of those days which is so eye poppingly full of tiny challenges, huge challenges and enormous  tests of patience.
In my regular way I could chronicle this quite entertaining catalogue of domestic tribulations (I must just mention cat vomit as the grand finale..)

 BUT.

I won't.

Instead.....
I sigh, and breathe out and thank, thank...myself first for remembering to use my skills of listening to divert and soothe a major melt down at a home education group

I am grateful....... for this space here which reminds me to practice being grateful.

                      ........... for the beautiful gardens around me, and the food they produce.

                      ...........for our chickens, the girls have started their spring egg laying with a great fervour, such a treat to hold warm eggs on a frosty morning


                       ...........for the chance to paint and create again, this time with Misty Mawn and her Full Circle online course,

                      ..........for getting to make a handmade art journal for my course with the kids, and its also home ed.

                       ..........For the new climbing club they attend tomorrow which they love and means I get to hang out and drink coffee with some cool mamas and discuss inspiring stuff while Finch naps.

                        .........For sugar free apricot and carob bars, a tasty new recipe which Tansy can eat.....and everyone likes.

                          .......for having a nursing baby which makes me sit down in the middle of the day.....a big exhale several times a day.

                           ....this music which I bought at our table top sale today at the home ed group, and which dramatically improved the atmosphere at our homecoming....cat vomit notwithstanding


Well I already feel better  .......it would have been easy to slip into a moany evening.....

And I'm grateful for you reading this! Of course!

What are you grateful for?

Blooming True

   

This is what I have been doing...in between . In the little moments. The tiny hours where a baby
might sleep for a moment, the hour where a child might play, a teen might be at school, when I am between jobs, between needs, slipping between the marching daily hours to feed myself...more nourishing than food...

Twenty five years ago, I  was told not to pursue art at school because, 'only thick kids do art'. Really. My dear physics teacher, thanks Mr. W, uttered these fateful words, backed up by....well everyone apart from my Art teacher and me actually. We were both pretty keen. But my keenness, my love, the light which sparked in my belly every time I stood in front of a row of pencils, pastels, paints in an art supply shop;  the way in which everything else faded away when I was immersed in drawing or creating, well it wasn't tough enough to fight. I wasn't tough.
 I let myself be pulled away 'don't waste your brains you could do anything...languages, sciences...that's what you need'
'Keep a little sketch book if you like......you have to be really up there to do anything in art...'.

'Birds..' nearly finished!!

And so I was 'good' sailing (academically) through the rest of school with an ache every time I stood at the door of the Art room and saw my friends printing painting, sculpting and sketching...
Since then, I've drawn..a little bit, painted, a little bit...made birthday cards, and then......

Well I discovered, via the inspiring Lucy Pearce at Dreaming Aloud , someone who could help. Someone who could help release the good girl syndrome which held me back, stifled my creativity, made me think I couldn't, shouldn't, perhaps just wasn't meant to. Someone inspiring, joyful and life affirming and full of joyous colour and soulfu,l beautiful art.

I enrolled on a Bloom True course     with Flora Bowley.   A brave move for someone with a two month old baby...but a blessed move, an inspired move, the right move.

I hesitated before enrolling...should I spend the money, could I commit the time.....Flora posts six in depth posts every week for five weeks....
The answer was YES!!

Flora Bowley 2011

                                                        


For the first time in my life I felt free when I painted, free from self doubt, self criticism, free from 'shoulds' and free to paint from a place of intuition and playfulness.

Sneaking up to my bedroom with Finch every moment I could, to my makeshift studio by the window I layered glorious colour  upon colour, inspired by Flora's daily lessons which encouraged me to let go, be brave and let my intuition be my guide.

                 Flora Bowley 2012                    

  More than just a painting course, Bloom True encourages the participants to find their own voice, their true, and authentic intuitive and courageous voice, in art and in life.

Through professionally shot videos we were led through the progression of two large paintings from start to finish, interspersed with studio exercises, instagram prompts, and  daily encouragement and tips on painting and life.



For me the course was worth every penny....the magic happened on the canvas as I built up layer upon layer of paint, not planning, or thinking too much just doing what felt right in the moment and trusting that was right.

Joy

There is a Facebook group to share work and thoughts, and now, months after the course has finished, many of us are still posting and supporting each other in the group. It has become a very special forum for sharing artwork and advice about not only painting but how our lives have been affected by this adventure in colour.

We all have our journeys...our damaged, joyous, painful and beautiful lives. A vibrant, loving and graceful spirit sings and paints among us; and healing and magic is happening even now as we continue to paint and create and share in our group. Art helps me heal. It helps me grow in confidence when people actually talk of buying my work.

When I started the course, one of the first exercises was to do some journaling and set intentions for the five week program. My first instinctive thought was to create something of what Lily has left me. Her love and joy and the feeling that I must not waste my life. It seems wrong to shy away from my longings, it seems wrong to be fearful of trying things which I burn to do...not wrong but somehow a waste. We are all designed to shine, we were not created to hide and apologise.

Angel

 Lily's seven short beautiful years mean so much, and I have learnt so much since her death that I realise that I must start shining, with her light and with mine.

Being brave was the theme for the fourth week of painting with Flora and probably the hardest for me. Always the 'good' girl, doing what I think is expected...it felt so liberating to do what I wanted and to find ways to know what it is I want.

Flora Bowley's e course has changed the way I paint and helped me take a giant step forward on my path in life,  and I wholeheartedly recommend Bloom True course, the next one starts on Feb 10th....sign up you won't regret it!


This post contains affiliate links as I support Flora's work and want to share it with you.....

Life Loss and Gratitude

I don't quite know why I've abandoned this space for so long. Its grey windswept corridors blown about with tumbleweed and debris . Life comes and life goes, blown by the wind, warmed by the sun watered by the (near continual )rain. People are born, people die, days are passed and tempers are lost. Love is found and divided out in slices, the Christmas tree is  down. Its the end its the beginning. I have no time.
I have little shards of time, tiny splinters which glitter like hard won jewels dug from a deep mine far away on a lost continent. I have to be as creative, flexible and bending with my time as a serpent. So flexible. So creative
.

A week ago an enormous church in our town was filled with people: remembering the life of a creative, generous, gentle man who spread singing across the world, a member of the community I live in. A ceremony of singing, sighing laughing, remembering. Sometimes, I barely managed to coordinate the keeping -everyone- occupied activities of finger knitting, French knitting and nursing nursing a teething, wildly possetting baby, child fights and demands, ...all in a whisper; sometimes I was  engulfed in a wave of tears with the vast singing community of people who will miss him;

The songs we learned. Dance between the practicalities of caring for children in a reverent space, and moments of immersion when they disappeared to play upstairs.When someone dies it is as if everyone who has died is present too, a shimmering haze, amongst us and beyond us. Joyful and sorrowful, entwined, woven into the same cloth. There were certainly angels there.

And life on either side is full, a blurred juggle of endless food preparation..(We have gained another teenager for twelve weeks, taking the head count to seven, a German exchange student) converting our entrance hall into his bedroom; Christmas quilts hurriedly finished, New Year clear outs and purging. My bedroom especially, a growling lair of unsorted papers, half finished weaving, sewing and knitting projects, bags and bags of children's clothes which need rationalizing reducing cleaning...throwing out.

Did I mention the rain?

You see I can be a moaner, a grumbling whinging oh its not fair kind of gal....ask my partner if you don't believe me....he gets the worst of it....

So my intention is to be simply grateful.  Hmm its becoming a bit of a trend isn't it? Gratitude Fridays, Thankful Thursdays........ no blog complete without one.

Well maybe it works.

Finding just one teeny tiny thing each day to be grateful for, in between all the challenges, demands and whines of life can become a habit, and even grow. Stopping to notice the watery sun appearing outside as I complete the fifth round of washing up today, or the delicate tracery of Jack Frost's fern magic on the windows as I shiver to the bathroom. Pausing to watch just how Finch can now pursue a favourite rattle with his eye, and make attempts to retrieve it, and how Tansy appeared unasked with a full basket of clean laundry hauled up from the cellar wash room 'because I knew you needed it Mum, and were busy.'

 Little things.
Important things.
Things that make me smile relax and BREATHE.
Slow down.
Feel a moment of love, a moment of Connection...With the sun. With Jack Frost. With Finch. With Tansy. It spreads...its contagious....before I know it I've noticed something else, someone else. A hug a look a smile, ahh it all seems better for a moment.

Gratitude. The only question remains...which day will I post? Today!!
So, every Wednesday, its gratitude day, and I will post my daily gratitudes from the week

What are you grateful for? Do feel  post a link to your blog if you feel moved to join in

Herbal inspiration

 After my last post I was asked what herbal books I'd recommend, and as there are quite a few I thought I'd feature them in their own post. If you are just beginning to learn about herbs, its also really worth learning the plants if you can, although obviously the herb shop is useful too!! Getting to know your herbal allies so you can greet them as you pass them, on the street, in the overgrown garden border, in the hedgerows and woods. Get a good wild flower guide, and make sure you can identify them well....there are a few plants which people commonly confuse which could be dangerous.
Also, if you are starting to treat yourself at home with herbs, I find it good to cross reference at least two or three sources. Its amazing what differences there can be and especially if you are ill, or pregnant or treating a child, its good to be sure and safe!
So these are just a few of my best loved books, but there are many many more excellent resources out there. Happy hunting!

• 'Herbal for women', and 'Herbal for Mother and Child' by Anne Mcintyre, are two that I referred to constantly during pregnancy and  for  childhood illnesses. Really useful advice about specific ailments and life stages and some nice herb profiles too. Anne has written more books since these I know, but I haven't yet had a chance to check them out, I'm sure they'd be worth a look, she has become more influenced by Ayuerdevic principles now so

• Herbal Healing for Women  by  Rosemary Gladstar This was one of the first herb books I bought when I lived in Canada nearly twenty years ago so I have a special fondness for it. Lovely anecdotes, advice and formula for all life stages and ailments.

• The Childbearing Year  and  Healing Wise by Susun Weed  These books.are lovely.Susun Weed is great, and the first of these books has been my bible through all my pregnancies. The second is a really unique quirky focus on 6 weeds which takes the reader on a walk to gather the herb and then back to the kitchen for recipes, and pharmacy for tinctures, teas and tonics...a lovely book which honours the humble nettle and dandelion.

• Self Heal by Jill Davies I did some seminars with Jill when Lily was tiny, and her long experience, understanding and love of herbs and healing shone through. Chapters on detoxing, diet, and a section of very detailed herbal and naturopathic advice on specific ailments make this one of my most highly thumbed herb books.

• Encyclopedia of medicinal plants  by  Andrew Chevalier This is really good if you are new to the world of herbs, and also useful for the more experienced person, as a comprehensive overview of many many herbs. All with excellent photos of the plant and parts used. Very useful reference to quickly check out a herb.

•  A Modern Herbal Maude Grieve Not really modern, as it was written nearly a hundred years ago, but densely packed wih medicinal and anecdotal information. Did you know for example that bluebell bulbs were not only used as bookbinders gum but also to starch collars? Fascinating book.

•  
• Herbs of Grace by Farida Sharan A book to read for a transformative journey to heal yourself with details of detoxification, herbal formula, naturopathy treatments such as enemas, castor oil packs etc. And the story of the authors own journey to healing.

As always these days my time is very limited and precious, between family demands.... so this post could and would like to be much longer!
Other herbalists whose books are definitely worth checking out are John Christopher, Jeannine Parvati Baker, Juliette de Bairacli Levy, Micheal Tierra and David Hoffman. Its also worth looking in charity and thrift shops as lovely old tomes often turn up..such as the Maude Grieve one above...and recently I found Maurice Messegue's 'Way to Natural Health and Beauty' which was a treat.

I would always recommend books written by real herbalists, I know it sounds obvious but it really makes a difference!

I would love to show you pictures of all my books, to give you a better impression of each one, but alas all my faves are now ash, and I haven't been able to bring myself to go and buy them all over again.
But so much of them is in my head and heart.....and of course all the knowledge is in us anyway and in the plants.....we just need to relearn how to ask.
Herbal Blessings!!