Herbal inspiration

 After my last post I was asked what herbal books I'd recommend, and as there are quite a few I thought I'd feature them in their own post. If you are just beginning to learn about herbs, its also really worth learning the plants if you can, although obviously the herb shop is useful too!! Getting to know your herbal allies so you can greet them as you pass them, on the street, in the overgrown garden border, in the hedgerows and woods. Get a good wild flower guide, and make sure you can identify them well....there are a few plants which people commonly confuse which could be dangerous.
Also, if you are starting to treat yourself at home with herbs, I find it good to cross reference at least two or three sources. Its amazing what differences there can be and especially if you are ill, or pregnant or treating a child, its good to be sure and safe!
So these are just a few of my best loved books, but there are many many more excellent resources out there. Happy hunting!

• 'Herbal for women', and 'Herbal for Mother and Child' by Anne Mcintyre, are two that I referred to constantly during pregnancy and  for  childhood illnesses. Really useful advice about specific ailments and life stages and some nice herb profiles too. Anne has written more books since these I know, but I haven't yet had a chance to check them out, I'm sure they'd be worth a look, she has become more influenced by Ayuerdevic principles now so

• Herbal Healing for Women  by  Rosemary Gladstar This was one of the first herb books I bought when I lived in Canada nearly twenty years ago so I have a special fondness for it. Lovely anecdotes, advice and formula for all life stages and ailments.

• The Childbearing Year  and  Healing Wise by Susun Weed  These books.are lovely.Susun Weed is great, and the first of these books has been my bible through all my pregnancies. The second is a really unique quirky focus on 6 weeds which takes the reader on a walk to gather the herb and then back to the kitchen for recipes, and pharmacy for tinctures, teas and tonics...a lovely book which honours the humble nettle and dandelion.

• Self Heal by Jill Davies I did some seminars with Jill when Lily was tiny, and her long experience, understanding and love of herbs and healing shone through. Chapters on detoxing, diet, and a section of very detailed herbal and naturopathic advice on specific ailments make this one of my most highly thumbed herb books.

• Encyclopedia of medicinal plants  by  Andrew Chevalier This is really good if you are new to the world of herbs, and also useful for the more experienced person, as a comprehensive overview of many many herbs. All with excellent photos of the plant and parts used. Very useful reference to quickly check out a herb.

•  A Modern Herbal Maude Grieve Not really modern, as it was written nearly a hundred years ago, but densely packed wih medicinal and anecdotal information. Did you know for example that bluebell bulbs were not only used as bookbinders gum but also to starch collars? Fascinating book.

•  
• Herbs of Grace by Farida Sharan A book to read for a transformative journey to heal yourself with details of detoxification, herbal formula, naturopathy treatments such as enemas, castor oil packs etc. And the story of the authors own journey to healing.

As always these days my time is very limited and precious, between family demands.... so this post could and would like to be much longer!
Other herbalists whose books are definitely worth checking out are John Christopher, Jeannine Parvati Baker, Juliette de Bairacli Levy, Micheal Tierra and David Hoffman. Its also worth looking in charity and thrift shops as lovely old tomes often turn up..such as the Maude Grieve one above...and recently I found Maurice Messegue's 'Way to Natural Health and Beauty' which was a treat.

I would always recommend books written by real herbalists, I know it sounds obvious but it really makes a difference!

I would love to show you pictures of all my books, to give you a better impression of each one, but alas all my faves are now ash, and I haven't been able to bring myself to go and buy them all over again.
But so much of them is in my head and heart.....and of course all the knowledge is in us anyway and in the plants.....we just need to relearn how to ask.
Herbal Blessings!!

Parsley Sage Rosemary and Thyme.....

.......Or Borage, Meadowsweet, Calendula and Yarrow, Or Dandelion, Chickweed, Nettle and Plantain,...or?

The gardens and lanes are singing with flowers and my collecting basket is busy. When the morning dew has gone, I gather baby and children and set off to pick my winter medicine cabinet. Some ancient voice calls me from the hedgerows, from the herb beds in these beautiful gardens around us. I feel an irrepressible urge to gather armfuls of fragrant herbs and weeds to blend and infuse and extract their distilled energy from the sun; bottle the summer to sustain us through the coldness ahead.

We discover purple loosetrife growing in purple drifts by the river weir, and pink Yarrow and blue butterflies in a sun drenched meadow, dancing quietly. It seems as though we are very close to how we were meant to be, at moments like this. The bone dry, warmed grass, alive with insects, the flickering blue wings on the pink flowers. Aah, time to sigh down into the earth and melt into it. No separation.
Picking herbs feels sacred....

Sometimes it is more everyday..spotting the St John's wort on the way to collect eggs or pick some salad,

plucking a few sprigs of lavender as I go out to call the children in for lunch. More absentminded.

Making medicine seems to run deep in my bones. Even as a small child I found an old book of country folk remedies in my parents bookshelves, and spent many hours mixing herbal pastes and potions in the back garden.

In between Finch, the other children, writing, and all the other voices calling me each day, I dry teas, laying the herbs out on cloths in my warm airy bedroom; I make tinctures with brandy and vodka, infusing the petals and leaves to extract the medicines for fevers, earaches, coughs, colds, insomnia. It's fun, its compulsive, it feels like magic.

 The kids have been busy too, sometimes Tansy quietly goes off to the gardens to pick potions, and later, I see neat little rows of drying herbs in my bedroom and newly washed jam jars waiting ready to receive them.

We  made a delicious fermented flower elixir, infusing Meadowsweet, Yarrow, Roses, Lavender and Mugwort in honey water for four days. Slightly alcoholic, the resulting brew was earthily sweet and delicious with a myriad of mystical floral undertones. I have no bottle to show you, as it was all drunk at our last community pizza evening!

When it rains I can't harvest, as the damp leaves do not store well, especially in infused oils which go mouldy so quickly.

But I can sit and nurse, and drink the herbs I've collected, and feel glad to know my weeds....

It's complicated

Welcome to the August 2013 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Sibling Revelry
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written about siblings - their own, their hopes for their kids, and more. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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.How many siblings have my kids got? Let's start with my eldest.  He has four from me and four from his dad's subsequent relationship.. If you count Lily. And why wouldn't you count her? Well if you're fourteen and someone asks how many brothers and sisters you have, you might not want to bring up your dead sister right away, or maybe not even the ones that you don't live with....I don't know. But I can guess he doesn't say eight very often. Eight. Hmm. Split families, bereaved families, families with multiple children, how did it all happen?

I'm one of one so this is all new territory to me, brothers and sisters; like an exotic fruit; tantalising, juicy and apparently delicious but just out of reach.Unskilled in fighting, sharing and manilpulating parental favour;

I was dropped into the tumult of sibling jealousy and love that are so exquisitely intermingled they hardly seemed to know which they were or when. 

'I won't throw Lily into the nettles down by the river, she's too beautiful, ' for example. From a  three year old contemplating his newborn sister....

The ferocity of feelings between the kids can unsettle me and send me hurtling to the apex of the whirlwind, shouting, 'No! no!' like a banshee,  or, 'Its fine, it's fine, let's go do some baking', in high pitched, strung out, 

Lets- Placate-Everyone-Right-Now tones.

My partner meanwhile, eldest of five, hasn't even looked up. 'Just leave them, they'll sort it out', he might murmur.

'But they're killing each other!'

'It'll pass!'

When I was a child, everything was sedate, ordered, quiet...ok pretty dull if the truth be known!!! Predictable and unchanging; and I read alot of books.  Mainly about big, noisy rambunctious families charging around doing exotic, alien things like stealing each others toys and fighting over the last slice of cake. It sounded so exciting, so unreachable, so desirable.

So I decided to have my own big noisy rambunctious family. Four, always four. But complicated things like relationship break-ups happen, and before I knew it I had my four kids but by two dads, although the spacing between broods was close enough to make a cohesive family. 

Each permutation of child pairings had a different dynamics. And these dynamics flowed and changed with time. And just as I find the fighting almost unbearable to watch, so I find the moments of tenderness and true affection almost unbelievable too. 'But they really love each other!!'

And then Lily died and everyone has an angel for a sister. No one quite knows how to do without her but they have no choice.

But it doesn't mean their relationship with her has died. All her siblings still love her, even the ones who have never met her on earth. Since little Finch was born three weeks ago, we often say that Lily probably played a part in him deciding to join our family. And although it breaks my heart that  I will never see Finch and Lily together on earth, I know they had a great time together before he was born.....

A white feather always connects the kids to their big sister, floating to the ground in front of them, 'Lily is preening her wings,' they say. 

We talk about her, remember things she said, notice traits in the younger ones which remind us of Lily. And all the children have times when they just sigh and wish she was here again.

Truthfully, Tansy and Leo probably have no real memory of her, they were so young, but the presence of their lost sibling is so powerful and graceful that they can never forget her.

A sister is always a sister, wherever they are.

And five kids are five kids, wherever they are, I didn't plan to have part of my family in heaven, but the relationship between them all will flow and change and grow as they change and grow.

This is their life, and death is part of it, as it is for everyone.

Freddie, Lily, Tansy, Leo and Finch.

Who love each other.

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• The Damage of Comparing Siblings — Comparing siblings can lead to hurt feelings and poor relationships. What Jana Falls has learned and why she hopes for more for her son.
• Connecting Through Sibling Rivalry — With four children who are spaced so that each child grows up in a pair, Destany at They are All of Me shares her method for minimizing the competition so her children can focus on bonding, rather than besting each other.
• Sibling Revelry — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud shares the two-week transition that happens every summer as her kids transform from bickering to learning how to play.
• Baby Brother born from an Ocean — Abby Jaramillo describes how her toddler connects in a possibly mystical way with her new baby brother and his birth at home, and Abby draws parallels with her own sister's new baby.
• Hard, But Worth It — Claire at The Adventures of Lactating Girl discusses how difficult having two children can be, but how it's definitely worth it.
• Raising Attached Siblings — At Living Peacefully with Children, Mandy and her husband are making conscious choices about how they raise their children to foster sibling connection and attachment.
• It's Complicated — Henrietta at Angel Wings and Herb Tea reflects on how life's twists and turns have taken her from a childhood with no siblings to a constantly changing family life with five children, including one in spirit.
• Support — sustainablemum reflects on how the differences between her relationship with her siblings and her husband's have affected their family and at a time of need.
• Peas in a Pod — Kellie at Our Mindful Life enjoys the special relationship her oldest two children share.
• Lessening the competitive enviornment in the home — Lisa at The Squishable Baby discusses how downplaying competition in the home has led to cooperation, not competition.
• The complex and wonderful world of siblings — Lauren at Hobo Mamareflects on her choices to have not too many children, spaced far apart — and how that's maybe limited how close their sibling relationship can be.
• 5 Ways to Help Young Siblings Have a Loving Relationship — Charise I Thought I Knew Mama shares the strategies that help her three year old and 14 month old have a somewhat beautiful relationship and aid in keeping peace in their home.
• 4 Steps to Encourage Sibling Revelry, even in Hot Moments of Rivalry — Sheila Pai of A Living Family share 4 Steps she uses to shift hot moments of sibling rivalry towards connected moments of sibling revelry and human compassion.
• Twins Are Fun — Mercedes at Project Procrastinot witnesses the development of her twins' sibling bond.
• Growing Up Together- Sibling Revelry in Our House — Amy at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work realizes that there is great utility in raising siblings that are close in age, and is grateful to have been blessed with healthy siblings that both love and challenge one another every day.
• Top 5 Ways to Reduce Sibling Rivalry — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares ideas that helped her two children be best friends along with Montessori resources for peace education and conflict resolution.
• Sibling Uncertainty — Alisha at Cinnamon and Sassafras wonders how her children's relationship will change now that the baby is mobile.
• Living with the Longing — Rachael at The Variegated Life sees that she can live with her longing for another — without changing her plans.
• For My One and Only Daughter — Playing for Peace mommy reflects on her choice to not have more children in order to focus on other dreams.
• Siblings: A Crash Course in Relationship Training — How have your siblings prepared you for later relationships? One of Dionna at Code Name: Mama's top priorities as mama of siblings is to help them learn how to navigate relationships.
• The Joys of Siblings: An Inside Joke — Ana at Panda & Ananaso shares the a glimpse into the joys of having siblings through sharing a perplexing yet hilarious inside joke betwixt her and her own.
• Sibling Support, even in the potty! — Even though Laura at Pug in the Kitchen's children didn't start out best friends, they are joined at the hip these days, including cheering each other on with potty successes!
• Don't Seek What Isn't There - On Sibling Jealousy — Laura from Authentic Parenting analyzes the seeming desire people harbor for seeking out hints of sibling jealousy.
• Sibling Love / Sibling Hate? — Momma Jorje speculates whether her children will have a different sibling experience than her own. Did she make the right choices based on her own history?

Emerging

Today, Finch is 4 weeks old.
Day by day uncurling, stretching, opening just a tiny bit more; emerging from his dreamy otherwordly newborn realm into our world. Each day his eyes open a little bit more, dark, wide and bottomless as they gaze up at me when he nurses...and nurses...and nurses! And then they shift, imperceptibly to a point just beside my head....what are they seeing? What does he know?
Newborns are so fascinating; fresh and pure, like tiny nuzzling animals, uttering little sighs and moans, like ancient laments from a time before time. His soft silken head nestles so beauifully on all our chests, dreaming, drooling, sucking, shuddering. Doing newborn things. He's arriving.

 Despite the fact that we decided, perhaps foolishly, perhaps wisely, to take Finch (and everyone else) to the wonderful Buddhafield Festival when he was a week old.....neither me or my new born baby had really emerged. Emerged from the quiet dreamy world of home and bed and milk. We winced in the bright sun; loud music made our ears curl, and somehow walking to the toilets seemed like quite a bit of exercise. We did manage two gentle workshops  on womb wisdom and conscious communication but the best places semed to be cushioned shady locations with plenty of chai on offer. No shamanic trance dance this year!

I need time to arrive back in the world. And  living in a community makes it very easy to not go out. There are people, there's space, gardens, children; folks have made me a few meals and even done my washing up a few times!! Why would I want to go out?

But of course I have to....sit in a major shoe chain nursing while Freddie buys trainers, dash into convenient cafes to quickly feed on a grocery shopping trip,when there are other children to care for, life has to expand beyond the babymoon quite quickly!

And yet, and yet, there was something missing, something narrowed, constrained, that I hardly realised until I took the kids to a firelit storyelling evening with Tom Hirons and Rima Staines. Before the spellbinding rendition of 'The Sun Princess and the 40th door', a Lithuanian folk tale; we wandered down a little green lane on the edge of Darmoor, full of piskies and fairies, and tripped across stepping stones to gather honey scented lime blossom.

As we trod the little winding track among moss covered boulders, and trees that whispered old forgotten stories and half finished tales for our times; I suddenly felt something expand inside me, soar to the tree tops, sink down among the soil and twisting roots, fly away on the wings of the mewing buzzard beyond the green. I felt fully emerged from the confines of domesticity and nappy buckets, inspired excited and nourished all at the same time.
I hadn't been on a  walk for weeks.

Somehow I felt more able to sink into the present moment and be fully aware with all my senses, away from home distractions. even away from the very beautiful and productive gardens which always seem to want me to harvest or weed them!

There is something about being out in the wild world that makes me feel free and happy...is it the same for you?
I guess with practice I can bring the mindfulness and freedom into daily life too.
Has anyone managed to mindfully and joyfully tidy clutter or empty the washing machine?

It's so effortless in a sun dappled Dartmmor lane.....

Ps I haven't yet managed to pack both camera and nappies for outings....that will come...so its a dearth of pics for now! Nappies take priority......

Working things out

Yes I keep fiddling around, trying to get things right on this blog, I'm not quite there yet, so be prepared for more changes! It's not my strong point, the techie side, but I'm trying!
When I started this blog I had a very clear vision of what this space was about.  There were three elements which were held here;

The Woodland folk...
For four years I lived with my family in the middle of a wood in Devon. The first three in a mobile home, the last in our self build cabin. This blog was about living in small spaces with minimal possessions and no electricity, it was about hand washing by candlelight and writing in notebooks by the fire, and stepping out into beautiful woodland by night to the ghostly owl shadows gliding down the valley.

Wild medicine
I also wrote about the oils, tinctures and balms I made for my family from wild harvested herbs, and the hedgerow food and medicine around our land. Connection and healing through plants and trees.

Lily
Finally, this blog has been space for my daughter Lily, who died four years ago; time and space for me to think about her, share how life is, and was, and could be without my daughter, and what she means for our family.

Some things have changed. And so the blog will change .
We now live in the wing of a mansion, as part of a community of people who sing, and garden together; share space, food and land.


We have an indoor bathroom, access to a washing machine and mains electricity, which to begin with felt odd and wrong after our deep connection with a simpler life on the land. When our cabin burnt down, we had to live somewhere, and after much searching and deliberation, this felt right. And it is. Somehow it is.
We are no longer the family in the woods, we no longer straddle two centuries, bathing in a tin bath, then dashing off to school in a car, but for me in particular, the departure from this way of life has been hard. Not just the loss of the beautiful cabin that we, (well Hugh) worked so hard to build, but it felt like a failure that we were creeping back to mainstream society with our tail between our legs. I missed the closeness to nature and cooking dinner on the campfire, stepping out of the door into wildness.....
'When's the rebuild?' so many people asked in the early days after the fire, and truely neither Hugh or I really ever wanted to.

To return to the blackened scene of such devastation, to a piece of land which, if the truth be known, we had never chosen because it was the most beautiful woodland.

And then I was pregnant. We were exhausted, and our kids needed stability and safety, normality. We have lost so much, our home, our possessions, the chicks, the cat, the rats (Holly and Sophie since you ask) the goats (Goats?.Why yes...Lauren, Lauretta, Abby and Dolly.....they're's a whole blog post just waiting to happen, can't believe they've escaped being featured!)

 but we have also gained so much. Wisdom for a start, to have learnt from big mistakes and misguided ways of approaching projects. We have received so much love and unfailing support from friends an strangers, and  a realisation that community is more important than independance. I have learnt that  receiving is as beautiful (and a lot harder) than giving, and the web of connecion and interdependance between us is the magic and the fabric of our  lives and makes us human. (Yes its basic stuff, but I'm a slow learner, these big jolts in my life accelerate my schooling in the bits I'm falling behind in) We've also gained a new baby, little Finch.

And so things are different. We've been forced to reevaluate our lives, one day I was drawing up business plans for our smallholding, herb products; projecting milk yields and planning my first batch of goats milk soap (with investment of specialised oils, and equipment all at the ready), costing out yurts for our planned retreat centre for bereaved families and disadvantaged kids......the next....its all gone.

And so we move on, and change, and there are other things in our lives, and other paths which, who knows may wind in the same direction one day.

I still gather herbs and bottle nature's medicines for the winter chills, Lily is still my daughter and a luminous presence in our family, I'm still homeschooling Tansy and Leo and writing and creating, but now things are moving.

Life is bigger than I have let myself believe. I'm exploring what this means. Bringing together the things that make me sing and smile and weaving them together to make a blanket of healing. Healing for me, healing for many. The colour and weave is yet unknown although patterns and hues swirl around me, notebooks are filling with lists, threads of projects, ideas....consolidating, envisioning.

I'm just working my way through Leonie Dawson's  Incredible yearbook and planner 2013 , yes in July, should have done it in January, and it's just what I need. Check it out....well at least in readiness for 2014, but July is better than not at all eh? Newborn baby and all!

Little Finch is already a healer in our lives in so many ways, he's brought so much love with him..........and that newborn ageless wisdom, and a soft, silky head to nuzzle.

So this blog will change. Reflecting life's twists and unexpected turns. I hope you'll come too, it's amazing to have you along.
I remember hitting 'publish' the very first time I wrote on here and it felt so strange....who on earth would want to read it anyway? But you have, and people have, and sharing is uplifting and healing and really joyful and fun.....Thankyou.....

Just before Dawn

I was in the middle of writing a post about my Blessingway ceremony, but he beat me to it, coming a week early...dear little boy, born to a family who love him so much.......

Born just before dawn on Wednesday morning.......

and a surprise for every child who came into he bedroom the next morning....

from eldest to youngest.......

Well I guess the Blessingway ceremony will keep for next time, for now we all feel very, very blessed.

Lily and the mobile phone guy

What do you do on the anniversary of your daughter's death? It's not the sort of question I imagined I'd have to deal with when I held my 4 newborns in my arms. But it is something I have to think about every year now.

June approaches with stealthy feet, all blossomy with foaming elder trees and blowsy roses, tangled hedgerows of campion and stitchwort and budding honeysuckle, and I get the same feeling of strange dread and an opening heart.

The weeks before have been tumultuous emotionally, flare ups and misunderstandings, journalling and outpourings, private tears and heart connections, jagged, raw poems that can never be seen...realisations and illuminations.

But today, the anniversary of the day 4 years ago that they did the brain stem test in Frenchay Hospital, Bristol, to see if they should turn the life support machine off, well it seemed strangely normal and so so hard to feel any connection with deeper emotions.

Its hard to feel and connect when I'm busy. Doing not being.

We were up early to rush back from a mini break in time for Hugh to go to work, so sweeping caravans and packing at seven instead of a quiet reflective time.
Shopping with the kids for groceries....trying to have a moment of thought over pancakes in a cafe .....jarring with children who were slightly hysterical and tired....
And then for God's sake, meeting the mobile phone repair guy in the supermarket carpark at 4.30. My date with normality. Drawing me into its web with its dulled ravening claws....rushing away from a painting hour where we created angels and doves for Lily's grave...to meet the mobile phone guy, and buy loo roll.

But maybe that's ok. Maybe I don't have to create a perfect hallowed day on June 11th and feel like I've let Lily down if I don't. I did need my phone, we did need loo roll. We did connect over the painting and we did visit Lily's grave.....and we do have spontaneous moments where we feel.

Curled up in a little grassy place we go to sometimes where the younger kids feel safe and relaxed, and say how they miss her.
A moment alone to pick flowers for her table where each blossom seem to glow with the essence of her love for it. Where the world swelled and condensed to a tiny distilled fragment holding Lily and me in its tender embrace.

A chance conversation sitting in the car in the rain with all of my children, remembering, crying, little forgotten details recalled, healing tears.....soothing our struggles alone.
Messages from friends, a kind word which helps grief to flow.

And that is the challenge. To create the space to let the grief move how it will, without dams or blockages or  avoidance tactics, or just the practical demands of daily life. To let Lily into everything. To allow the joy and grief to weave and flow around our lives, the tears sparkling among the breakfast dishes as the laughter ripples into a walk to the garden. No separation. No compartmentalisation.

It is a challenge.

When I meditate, or spend a moment seeking a connection with nature or myself, the tears and emotions are very close to the surface, waiting for a chance to escape the rigid confines of my busy hours where I rush without feeling. I know that the more I do this, the more emotion can flow naturally in my life and become more balanced and help me and my family to heal. I've made a commitment to do this more.

Spending time in nature, in this beauiful place that is our home now,  sitting with a flower, a tree, being quiet and receptive to the spirit that is in everything and in us, makes my heart much bigger and makes me feel that anything is possible. Spending time connecting with friends old and new, in deeper ways, more nurturing ways, makes me not feel alone. Makes me feel the beauty of life, the endless possibilities that are always there.

I guess Lily would just laugh about meeting the mobile phone guy, she just needs us to love her, remember her, connect wih her, just like always. It's another day, like yesterday, like tomorrow.

A day for us all to connect with something more than our mind driven rushing, to open our hearts to a deeper level. Its a huge tapestry of glowing, luminous threads we're part of, all interwoven with the practical homespun browns and greys, the vibrant reds and pinks of daily activity, the soft iridescent violets of our connection to the spirit which is in everything, the subtle greens of nature unfolding....we never stop weaving...

Do you manage to hold all the threads of the loom together.....is it easy for you?